The Rapidan River runs right past my door,
My wooden veranda hangs over the shore
And I see so much water, spring, summer and fall,
That I never touch water, touch water at all!
And I see so much water spring, summer and fall
That I never touch water, touch water at all!

In winter the river is covered with ice;
I’ve skated once and quite possibly twice.
But I’ll take hard liquor if I have to fall,
’Cause I can’t take hard water, hard water at all!

I know a young man who once took sev’ral swipes;
The water was wet and it rusted his pipes!
Though he was a tenor he can’t sing at all,
He can’t even sing “Fal-de-ral-de-ral-ral”!

Now, water’s all right under bridges and boats;
‘Twas never intended for delicate throats.
Now I can still sing “Fal-de-ral-de-ral-ral”
And I never touch water at all.

My mother with liquor has nothing to do,
In fact she’s a staunch double - U.C. T .U.
But when hard cider time comes around in the fall
She’ll never touch water, touch water at all.

I have an old aunt full of mis’ries and pains,
She goes to the doctor and loudly complains.
He writes a prescription that’s pure alcohol
And she’ll never touch water, touch water at all!

I had a fine wife and a pig and a cow,
Fine catfish I caught from the prow of my scow
But she left with the pig and the cow, scow and all
And I never touch water, touch water at all.

I know an old bishop who’s past eighty-five.
I said to him, “Bishop, you certainly thrive!”
He swore by Saint Christopher, Peter and Paul
That he never touched water, touch d water at all.

The Rapidan River runs Rapidan Mill
And Rapidan Mill grinds the corn for my still.
A swig from my jug makes me seven feet tall
So I never touch water, touch water at all.

FINAL REFRAIN
I sit with my jug singing “Fal-de-ral-ral”
And I never touch water, touch water at all!